Monday, August 24, 2015


You know that feeling when you buckle in for a plane flight and the hunk of metal actually starts moving? Gravity pulls at your gut and inertia throws you back against your seat as the plane accelerates into the air. The engine roars so loud you can hardly hear yourself think, echoing throughout the cabin, and then-

       You're flying, suspended thousands of feet in the air. You dangle in the midpoint between crashing to the ground and touching the atmosphere, and you can't know for sure that the plane won't be broken apart by turbulence or extreme weather. (or, for my mother, airborne sharks.)

     Starting college feels a lot like that.

Leaving home is hard. Gravity- that love I have for my home and the people there- swelled inside of me as I took off into the exciting new adventure ahead of me.

 Gravity is healthy. We'd all be in space without it.
   But gravity makes taking to the air so much harder.

I had a sense of inertia too. At home, I was comfortable. At home, I knew who I would eat with and where I would study and whether or not I was accepted for the very quirky individual I am.
     At college, those things might change.
     But at college, I am plunging headfirst into the plan God has for me. I have a God I can fall back on, one that will lead me in each uncertain moment. And, despite the inertia of facing change, I can face it bravely, knowing I have friends and family rooting for me, 
and a God that works miracles.

     But I have a roaring engine too. I call it fear.
     Doubts whisper beneath the excitement of starting classes and preparing for my new job. I worry I won't be able to keep up with my Honors program, that maintaining my GPA and a job and convocation might be too much.

However, doubts cannot drown out the chorus of faith. God has brought me this far, and I lean on Him to carry me forward into the amazing studies that wait for me, starting today. (I mean, I get to study SCIENCE!) Whether or not I meet my own goals and expectations, I know God has purpose for me here. He wants me to grow. He wants me to lean on Him. He wants me to serve.

And what better place to do those things than at a 
Christian University known for proclaiming the Gospel?

So now, I'm flying. I'm thousands of miles from home. Some moments, I wonder if I will soar or fall.

 But I'm not subject to wind or hail or thunder. I will not be shaken by turbulence, in any form.

I will rest in the palm of God's hand, finding my safety, my strength, and my inspiration in Him.

It's time to take flight.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Dark Knight Returns

Ah yes. I am batman.

(okay, so maybe it's more like "the fluffy skittles-obsessed ENFP writer returns")


I left you.

For, like, a long time. 

A lot has happened over my unplanned vacation from blogging, but I'm here to get back into it. (most likely at a random, unusual pace, but hopefully I'll last this time. XD)

So, to start things running again, I'm going to just fill you in on what's been happening, and what will hopefully be happening here. 

1. I AM GOING TO COLLEGE. Okay, so this is a pretty normal thing, but it's extremely exciting for me, because I almost didn't get to go. Long story short: I got into my top two schools, but couldn't afford either one, even with academic scholarships. I knew God was calling me to a Christian school though, and at the last minute, after surrendering to whatever changes in plan God had for me, I found the Honors program at Liberty University. I applied, holding onto the final bit of hope I had to go to University like I so desperately wanted to, and got in. Since then, God has really opened up so many doors (I've got an awesome work study as a writing coach and *amazing* roommates), that I'm thankful my original plans didn't unfold like I expected.

2. I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT OF THE RESISTANCE CHRONICLES. It clocked in over 80K. The Resistance Chronicles is also now WAYWARD. Because It's probably going to be a series. And this is the first book. Oh right, it's also CYBERPUNK now. *cannot even*

4. For Campnano, I started a new project: It's called not My Type, and it's a Christian Contemporary Romance with a splash of MBTI. More on that later.

5. I read some great books. In other words, check out The Revised Life of Ellie Sweet by Stephanie Morril and Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman. Now.

6. I got a scholarship to a writers Conference!!! I'll probably be posting about that, too.

I'm going to be blogging with updates on my college journey, embarrassing stories that are bound to happen, writing, and probably whatever else comes to mind. hi. I'm back.

*vanishes silently*

Monday, March 2, 2015

TRC, Betas, and the Meaning of Life...

(yay for incredibly melodramatic titles, right?)

I've been thinking.

A lot.

(Also not posting, for which I apologize. I had an accelerated college course this month, but I have survived and am back in the land of the living. I also know psychology now. Call me a therapist if you feel like it. XD )

I've been thinking about meaningful living... I've been thinking about my hopes and dreams and what I'm gonna do for college and what I'm gonna do for, you know, life.

And I realized that I really do want to throw my whole heart into whatever chance I've got at being published. I mean, responsibility is taking priority. But I'm still writing, and still trying really hard to put my best forward.

But publishers are picky. Not just about how well you write, but about copyrights.

To get to the point, a publisher isn't gonna want to throw their money heart into a book that's already been "published" online.

On a blog.

I thought a lot about this, and I think I have to give this story it's best shot. (also, I do say "think" quite a lot, don't I?) But I also desperately love you guys and have basically promised you this story, so here's my idea...

Every writer needs betas, right? Or, more accurately, Alphas.

SO. If you'd like to continue reading the Resistance Chronicles, you can most certainly do so as a beta. This won't get me in trouble for copy rights, and will basically mean you are getting the first peek at what I hope will one day be a published novel. I only ask that you give me one criticism for each part..... which will make the whole beta thing more official and will help me a ton.

If you'd like to Beta for me, you can email me here:
Or send a message to this facebook page
Or Google plus me.
If you'd like me to send you the docs by email, give me your email. (I'm not creepy. Promise. XD)
And if you'd like me to just message you links, go ahead and tell me what website works best. I can do Facebook or Google +.

Since I won't be posting the next story and I don't expect all of you to want to be a beta reader.... here are some pictures. Spoilers ahead, darlings.

Winter is more than a season.
There will be some shipping.
And some heartbreak.

So, to conclude this post, I want to thank all of you for motivating me and giving me the encouragement I needed to really pursue writing. It's something I've always enjoyed, but now it's a passion, too, and that's kinda amazing. XD

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Character Interview: Zayla from The Resistance Chronicles

Hello! So you all were awesome and gave me some great questions for Zayla's interview... and I finally got her to answer them!
If you don't know her, she's one of the four main characters in my book  The Resistance Chronicles, and you can find out a bit more about her here. This is my first interview with a character, so bear with me.

But it's gonna be fun.

Zayla: *cocks an eyebrow*

Hi there! So you ready for this?

Zayla: *sighs*

Okay then! First Question. have you always suffered from social anxiety?

Zayla: "Way to start out easy." *fidgets with sweater*

It's okay, they only asked because they like you.

Zayla: "Fine. Kind of. I mean, I never was good at making friends. No one ever liked me, either. But when the panic attacks started--" *runs hand through hair, sucks in a breath*

It's okay. How old were you then?

Zayla: "I was twelve when I had my first attack. My dad thought I was being dramatic. My mom thought I would grow out of it. Kids-- the ones that said they were my friends--  didn't get it. They thought I was crazy."

You're not though.

Zayla: *oh really? face*

So how does the anxiety and panic disorder affect your ability to make friends?

Zaya: "I don't make friends. The only reason I have friends now is because they cornered me and forced me into it."

But you like them.

Zayla: "They don't hate me yet. So yeah, I do."

Is it harder depending on the person? Like, if it's a boy, is that easier or harder than a girl? Or is it mostly a personality thing?

Zayla: "Well, with Cameron it was easy. He did all the work. And I think the thing about guys is that they can't directly compare themselves with me. Like with Alyssa-- she's a girl too. And she can do anything, and do it well. So with her it's harder, cause I know she's judging me, even if she doesn't say it."

Well.... we'll just move on.

What sort of things make you panic?

Zayla: "it depends. Sometimes I get an attack over stuff most people just stress out over. And once it starts, it's too hard to fight off. If I get overwhelmed, I panic. If I get stressed out, I panic. If someone starts talking to me and I can't figure out what they're thinking, I panic."

Does it have anything to do with feeling as though you do not have control of a situation?

Zayla: "You know that answer. And since you do, I find it cruel that you stuck me in here and forced me to talk. Do you even realize how-- how hard--" *hands are slightly shaking*

I'm sorry! It seemed like a good idea....
Okay, Let's do something you like talking about. What's the story behind you having a falcon?

Zayla: "Oh. Well, there was always something about the birds that drew me. They got to see parts of the world I'd never know.
And one day, I was coming out of a panic attack in an alley, and there she was. just a fledgling then. She must have escaped from a breeder-- but I didn't care. She needed my help. And to be honest, I needed hers."

You two make a good team. Now, how did Ferucil's control affect you having a pet? Does he decide who keeps pets and who doesn't?

Zayla: "Well, it's like this. Ferucil decides on your career, and day to day assignments, basically other than that he commands you on whim. So as long as he doesn't restrict you, you can keep a pet. So he decided the breeder would raise raptors, proably for rodent control. Then he didn't tell me to get ridd of the bird when I found her."

I see. Okay, so another question you won't appreciate. what scares you the most about being part of the Resistance? have you ever had to kill someone or something?

Zayla: *staring at the ground* "I'm terrified I'll mess this all up. I don't understand it. And it's all happening really fast. But it's like instinct-- i know this is where I'm supposed to be."...."And yes"

So? Tell us about it.

Zayla: "Fine. In Thera, parent's tell their kids stories about an army of creatures Ferucil keeps outside the city to protect us from bad people. They're just supposed to be fairy tales. But the creatures are very real, and the attack us. 
So yeah, I've been attacked, and I fought back."

Yes, yes you did.

Zayla: "I almost lost."

That means you won.

Zayla: *shrugs*

So what kind of creatures do you see?

Zayla: *bites lip* Um-- well, when they attacked the Resistance headquarters, I saw a couple different kinds. One of them went after  Cameron-- he called it a Keraguan, I think. It was short and slow, but strong and-- hideous. Like nothing I'd ever imagined.

But the Strach is what came after me. It's like-- like a-- like a dragon. But no wings. And six legs. And the skin is coated in poison. It touched me here. *pulls up sleeve, there's burn marks on her forearm*

Is that the one that scares you most?

Zayla: *sighs, pulls sleeve back down* Cameron said that Ferucil sends the same kind of creature after you almost every time. The one that can do the most damage to you.
*crosses arms*
So yeah, It's just a little bit scary.

I can imagine. But Ferucils creatures aren't the only threat, are they?

Zayla: *shakes head*

How do criminals like the ones that attacked Alyssa exist in Thera, with Ferucil controlling everyone's actions?

Zayla: You'd think Ferucils control would eliminate, crime, wouldn't you? But he lets them... he /lets/ them stay out past curfew, he lets them-- *stutters, furrows brow* I don't know. I don't understand it.

Okay, two more and you can go home. Is the Resistance tolerant of your panic disorder, or do they get annoyed by it.

Zayla: "Well, they act like they're tolerant. But I don't know how long that will last. I  think Cameron might be the only person who really tries to understand it." *shrugs* "Not that he ever will, but it's something, I guess."

Do you have anything special you think about to calm yourself down when you panic?

Zayla: *smiles faintly* "Now that i'm a Recruit-- when I panic, Adiano speaks to me. So I do my best to ignore everything else that's making me panic and just listen to Him. It doesn't make the panic go away immediately, but it helps a little." *shifts in her seat* "That's it then? I can go?"

Yes. Thank you for being cooperative.

Zayla: "Sure. Bye." *runs off*

Yay! That was so much fun, and helped me beat writer's block.... I finally have a draft of the next part! It will still be a while before it's ready, but I'm working on getting the whole story kinda mapped out. I hope you guys will like it. :D

Thanks for reading! (and asking questions)

Friday, January 16, 2015

An Encouraging Word for Imperfect Perfectionists

You're sitting at your desk, papers strung haphazardly across the top, laptop dying because you can't find the cord that's stashed away somewhere with your focus and determination.

We’ve all been there.

Sometimes, life just gets overwhelming. All of our responsibilities pile up until the to-do list is too long to handle, whether that be composed of work, school, personal goals, or all of the above. We want to make sure everything is done right, that everything is perfect.

And it holds us back.

Suddenly the tasks we thought we could handle are impossible, the things we want to accomplish are unattainable. We can feel God tugging on our hearts to fulfill His calling, but we’re so caught up in day-to-day life that we shove the most important things to the back corner, doomed to gather dust until we are totally prepared and organized and ready.

It’s easy to get the idea that we need to do everything perfectly, especially as Christians. We feel the immense pressure to represent Christ to the world, to fulfill our greater purpose. We want to go, and do, and accomplish.

We take it on ourselves to bear our heavy load, to try and meet our ideals about our work, our educations, even our faith.

But maybe that’s the problem. Not that we’re striving for excellence, but that we’re striving to meet our standards of excellence.

We may truly want to glorify God in our lives, but it’s all too easy to jump ahead and decide on our own exactly what that means. We want a long term plan, sure that if we accomplish what looks good to us, it will look good to God.

That’s where the whole problem gets started: We are deciding what is and is not acceptable. We are taking control, judging ourselves by our high standards.

But what we often forget is that our standards don’t really matter. In fact, the only ideals that do matter are God’s. 

We are to be mimicking Christ, not fulfilling our own ideas.

        "But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation: Because it is written, Be ye holy, for I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15-16, KJV)  

Ahh, holiness. The very definition of Perfectionism. The complete absence of sin.

Totally sounds like something we can do, right?

I thought so.

So, basically, there is no way we can meet the ideals that actually matter. But don’t let this fact depress you. You see, perfectionism sinks its teeth into someone who is trying to do things the right way on their own. God doesn't ask us to do this on our own. He doesn't expect us to be able to match His holiness through our own strength.

In the end, we are not doing God’s work for God. He does his own work.

But He has chosen to do that through us. 

It isn’t our job to figure it all out. We aren’t running around accomplishing God’s work or perfecting ourselves, God is using us to achieve His plan. HE knows the whole scheme of things. HE sees the big picture. We are designed to live in a moment to moment submission to Christ, following after his goodness.

So we don’t have to have to be completely on top of things. We don’t have to understand, to struggle against our frail humanity. We just have to live in submission to God, because when we do that, He leads the way. 
It's time we stopped letting perfectionism get in the way. 

Then, when we are called to do something, we need to put our best effort into it, trusting God to use us, no matter how capable we feel.

"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest." (Ecclesiastes 9:10, KJV)
This isn’t a demand that everything be done perfectly, or that everything meet an ideal. It’s a challenge to go out and work until we can’t work anymore. It’s a command to put our best effort into what we do.

"But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness." (1 Timothy 6:11, KJV) 

          These verses command us to pursue values more important than our own perfectionism. We are to be seeking after improvement, a constant growth towards Christlike-ness. And we are to be submitted to his will, letting him lead us according to His plan.
So we aren’t responsible for achieving our ideals, after all. We’re responsible for growing and learning, and doing our best.

And our best, frankly, will never match up to the perfection that is our ultimate standard: Christ’s example.

You see, God knows we’re not perfect. He knows we can’t do it on our own. And he doesn’t ask us to.

God has offered to carry our burdens for us. He doesn’t ask us to go accomplish things for Him, He asks us to let Him accomplish things through us.

We aren’t supposed to be chasing after a flawed perception of the perfect life, the perfect relationships, or the perfect accomplishments.

We’re supposed to be chasing after Christ’s holiness.

So maybe we need to put our ideals aside and let go of our perfectionism. Maybe we should be trading off our stress for Christ’s peace. We need to chase after Him, trusting God to carry out His plan, even with an imperfect tool such as ourselves. 

Because that’s what He’s promised to do.

Take Mary, for example.

 Mary was a teenager when she was told by Gabriel that she would not only give birth to a child, but raise the Son of God.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m a few years older than mary most likely was. And I’m NO WHERE near having my life figured out. I am sure that Mary was a confused teenager too.

But God chose her.

Not because she was perfect. Not because she had her life brilliantly organized and planned out.

But because Mary was willing to trust her God, even when she didn’t know the whole plan. Even when it was scary. Even when it seemed impossible.

Imagine the anxiety and fear she must have experienced. Imagine the pressure: A young girl, responsible for raising the Messiah?

But Mary didn’t ask for the whole plan. She didn’t try to take things into her own hands. She said: "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."

God didn’t choose Mary because she was ready.

He chose her because she was willing.

So today, I just want to encourage you- and myself- to throw away our ideals of perfectionism.

To take a deep breath, savor the moment, and live life trusting God. When he asks you to do something, do it with your whole heart, and trust that his plan is bigger than any idea of “perfect” any of us could ever come up with.

So go out there, live by faith, trusting God to take care of the big picture. Because, even if we aren't perfect, God is; and he can use us despite our imperfections. 

 "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, [even] our faith." (1 John 5:4, KJV)

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Character Interview: Zayla, from The Resistance Chronicles

Hello my peoples!

So I have seen a bunch of people do this and I really want to now.
So I am going to . Simple as that.
What is this, you might ask?



You ask questions to my babies, and I interview them with those questions. I'll throw in some of my own, just to fill it out a bit.

The first character I want to interview is Zayla, from TRC. Partially because I have writer's block with her and partially because she is where TRC came from!

If you aren't familiar with her, Zayla is one of the four main characters of The Resistance Chronicles. At seventeen, she is new to the Resistance, and is still learning how to stretch her wings, let alone fly. But she'll learn with time. She suffers from panic disorder and social anxiety, which are making her transition difficult, not to mention problems with her family.
However, she's learning new things, too. With her falcon, Kiara, and her new bow, she's ready-- sort of -- to face whatever creatures Ferucil throws at her.

Feel free to ask her anything about herself, Thera or the Resistance.
(Actually don't just Feel Free, PLEASE ask her anything that comes to mind. XD)

As always, thanks for reading!!

Friday, January 9, 2015

The Art of Characters Linkup: Protagonists


So over at Stor Tori's blog there is a linkup going on!
And I am super excited, because it combines art and writing.
Here's her picture for the linkup, to give you an idea of how awesome it is.

And here's the instructions, so you can do it too!!

Step 1.) Find three pieces of art that describe your character. This can be your own drawings or cosplays or sculptures, someone else's art (with their permission and/or crediting of course), celebrity pictures, or a combination of the three.

Step 2.) Answer the questions below about your character's description and link back to this [that^] blog so if anyone else wants to participate they know where to go.

Step 3.) Put it all in a blog post.

Step 4.) When you post it, link up here [at the link above] and you're done!


So I chose Zayla, from The Resistance Chronicles.

Here's her face. XD

So here is an insecurity map, as inspired By C. F. Barrows' maps for her characters. Revel in it's painful beauty.

And a drawing I did of Cameron and Zayla. 

The Questions:

1.) What does your character's eye, skin, and hair color tell about him/her?
Zayla is pale, with emerald green eyes and black hair. 
In a way, her skin and hair color are results of the fact that she is the kind of person to stick to the shadows. She doesn't want to be noticed, but just like how she has bright and stunning eyes, she has a fire and passion within that makes it's way out in her loyalty and bravery despite her anxiety.

2.) What does your character's hairstyle tell about him/her?
Zayla's hair is choppy and straight. And black. 
And to be honest, she's kinda like that too. A bit blunt. A bit dark. 
Even sarcastic if she trusts you not to hate her for it. 

3.) What does your character's default outfit tell about him/her?
She likes to be comfortable, but also to blend in, so she wears a lot of black sweaters and jeans. But sweaters especially, since they are comforting and she tends to fidget with the loose strands of thread or pull the sleeves over her hands when she's feeling anxious. They're kind of a comfort zone when she's extremely uncomfortable.

4.) Does he/she have an object(s) he/she carries around a lot?
Zayla ALWAYS wears at least one custom falconry glove. She also carries her compound bow a lot of the time.

5.) Does he/she have any particular scars or birthmarks?
I haven't thought of this.... OH WAIT.
She has some slight scarring on her arm from the chemical burns she got from her first battle against Ferucil's creatures.

6.) Does he/she have any piercings or tattoos?
Nope. I mean, I don't even think she's the earring type. She'd probably have panic attack over sleeping in them and that the sharp part would poke a hole in her skull or something. 

7.) How does he/she carry themselves? Shoulders back? Eye contact? Eyes down? Slumped shoulders?
Slumped shoulders, small steps, usually looking at the ground or something in the distance. Except for when she's shooting, then she falls into proper form, because it makes her feel stronger.

8.) What is his/her default expression? Smiling? Frowning? Solemn?
Tense. She's pretty serious, and very introverted, and unless you catch her at a vulnerable moment she's not going to really want to talk about anything. But that's also because she's constantly fighting off anxiety, trying to keep herself together.
So yeah, tense.

9.) Does he/she wear make-up or face paint?
Probably a little makeup, since she wouldn't want to get picked on for not wearing it. But not much more than like mascara and some smoky eye shadow.

10.) Does his/her physical appearance change at any time? For example: If they have a power do their eyes glow or hair turn blue?
Nah. Once she joins the Resistance she starts to wear more navy than black, and stand with a little more confidence. But for the most part she's consistent.

And that's a wrap!

Thank you all for reading! 
And Thanks Victoria for hosting the linkup!
Also, would anyone be interested in a character interview with Zayla? She's my focus this month, since the next TRC part is coming from her perspective and I have writer's block like no tomorrow. 

Go do this. It was fun. :D